Breaking Up? Bring Your Radiance With You
Lundy Bancroft and Jac Patrissi, authors of Should I Stay or Should I Go?, offer an exercise to help you celebrate the generous gifts you brought to your relationship—so you can harvest them for yourself.
You are leaving. We are so sorry. And, congratulations!
Leaving brings a mixture of pain and hope. It moves you forward into a new life.
Leaving means creating a new container for your life that is built on the celebration of your many strengths and qualities. You are courageous! Only someone who has walked in your shoes knows just how hard a thing it is that you have done. You have entered the league of women who have embraced their own well-being. You have listened to your deep instincts, read the misleading, confounding, and confusing signs, taken into account the many practical and emotional factors, and have made your decision to move forward into a fuller and more nurturing life ahead. Well done.
Take some time to write about the thoughtful, humorous, and loving things that you did and gave in your relationship. We are not reviewing these in order to find evidence of love in your past relationship, but rather, we wish to celebrate what you brought and what you gave because these gifts and loving attributes are yours.
You may have been inspired by your feelings of attachment or love to act them out, but every loving and generous thought, every act of kindness, still exists for you in its own perfect radiance. Your loving heart is filled with the good you have given. Now, in your grief and reflection, your generous gifts are there for you to harvest, for yourself.
Make a list of loving and kind things you did in your relationship.
We want you to spend this next year reclaiming your awareness of the many gifts you brought to the table so that you feel how giving and creative, compassionate and kind, you are. We want you to see your gifts because it is so easy to lose sight of them when you leave your relationship.
Excerpted from Should I Stay or Should I Go? A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can—and Should—Be Saved by Lundy Bancroft and Jac Patrissi. Copyright © 2011 Berkley Trade.