No one is perfect—not even you. Couples become happiest in relationships when they realize what their relationship priorities really are, and then act from those priorities. When they do, the relationship thrives despite imperfections.
Let me explain what I mean by this…
When you realize that no one and no relationship is perfect, then—as my teacher William Levacy likes to say—“Life takes on a special perfection of its own.”
Just as marriage research has discovered that compatibility isn’t as important as we have been led to believe, and isn’t even possible, I have worked with many, many couples who didn’t have “perfect” astrological compatibility between their charts. In fact, on many occasions I’ve seen a couple have a big red-flag-super-no-no connection that my training told me would be a “Deal Breaker” to any two people being able to successfully partner, and that would be enough for another astrologer to tell them they should leave each other over...
When I ask them if they’ve noticed whatever that particular planetary configuration is supposed to create in how they interact or feel together, asking, “Do you ever feel squelched or eclipsed by him?” Or “Do you find that you have to initiate everything between you all the time?” They’ll roll their eyes and laugh and say, “Oh yeah! Sure do, but we love each other and we’re happy anyway.”
It’s amazing. They’ll have the same combinations that other couples have told me are excruciatingly painful, and yet they’re happy.
So it’s not enough, as I said before, to blame everything on compatibility.
In fact, as my teacher Ernst Wilhelm pointed out to me when he taught me advanced compatibility techniques, the ancient classics of Vedic astrology say something beautiful...
After a lengthy treatise explaining the various ways to determine if two people’s charts are considered suitable for one another, they go on to say that even if a couple has perfect matching between their horoscopes, even if they fulfill many technical, detailed, subtle, rare astrological rules, if they don’t love one another they should not marry.
And if they don’t have all the important, critical astrological combinations between their horoscopes that indicate emotional compatibility, but still sincerely love one another from their hearts, they should marry anyway, stating: “Love that springs from within is greater than all other matching...”
I agree—if and only if they’re able to treat each other well and laugh at their differences, like the clients I mentioned above. But in my experience, these people have to be enormously skilled at what works in relationships.
And to do so, they must be good at this next part...
The positive approach works best with everyone—male or female, of any astrological sign. And here’s the thing to remember:
Everything you do, do for your relationship. Think of all of your relationships as living, breathing beings—the “we” or the “us” created by you and another person, no matter who that person is. There is a great concept about this called “the third entity” that’s been around for years and is promoted by several experts.
The “third entity” is not the individual players in a relationship—it’s not you, it’s not the man or men in question, and it’s not anyone else in your life.
This third entity is the invisible being created between you and another person. And, just as though it were a person, the relationship has a lifespan and its own vitality, whether weak or strong. When the relationship is in crisis, it’s like the body of the third entity is on a stretcher hooked up to oxygen and intravenous fluids in intensive care at the hospital. When things are going well and the relationship is thriving, it’s like you’re feeding it the healthiest foods, giving it massages, and taking it to the gym on a regular basis.
So, when you want to be less than loving and kind to anyone in your life, think of beating on that third entity, or starving it, or denying it oxygen.
If your relationship with someone isn’t going well, instead of focusing on what you need or even what you think they need, try to take the “pulse” of the relationship and give the relationship what it needs. Mentally visualize that third entity between you and ask what it needs—and then do what is best for it, not necessarily what’s best for you or for the other person.
Because here’s the incredible part of all: When the third entity is thriving and happy, everyone wins. When the third entity is strong, you get what you want and the other person gets what they want.
Excerpted from Love Is in the Stars: The Wise Woman's Astrological Guide to Men by Carol Allen. © by Carol Allen. Used with permission.