Ram Dass said it best, “If you think you are truly enlightened, go spend a weekend with your parents.”

For many of us, the holidays put that wisdom to the test.

The season can be a joyful time of gathering, tradition, and connection. It can also bring packed schedules, complicated family dynamics, financial pressure, travel, and the expectation that we should be celebrating in a particular way.

The decision to spend the holidays solo can be emotionally fraught. You may have relatives that are looking forward to seeing you. You may feel pressure to spend time with your partner’s family. 

What if, instead of asking what the holidays are supposed to look like, we asked a different question: What would feel genuinely nourishing this year?

For some, the answer will be a crowded table surrounded by family. For others, it might be celebrating with friends or chosen family. And for some, it may mean stepping away altogether—to travel, spend time in nature, or simply enjoy a few quiet days at home.

The Rise of Choosing Your Own Holiday

Choosing solitude doesn't necessarily mean choosing loneliness.

Solo travel has become increasingly mainstream. Booking.com reported in 2024 that more than half of travelers surveyed planned to travel alone that year. For many people, traveling alone offers something increasingly precious: the freedom to set their own pace, follow their curiosity, and make space for themselves.

Whatever the reason, spending the holidays alone does not have to be lonely. Perhaps there is another place—other than the family dining table—where you feel more belonging.

Rather than moving automatically through another season of parties, presents, travel, and obligations, we can pause and consider what we actually need.

Maybe it's connection. Maybe it's rest. Maybe it's adventure. Maybe it's silence. Maybe it's an online workshop from the couch. 

Author and meditation teacher Sebene Selassie explores the truth of belonging precisely because, for most of her life, she felt she did not belong anywhere. She was a toddler when her family emigrated from Ethiopia in the early 70s, and she felt out of place in an American culture that was a lot less diverse than it is today.

In her book You Belong, Sebene says, "We don’t need to feel belonging to belong. Belonging is truth and it is the fundamental nature of reality right here and now, whether we feel it or not."

Permission to Do the Holidays Differently

Matt Dominianni, a professional game designer, recalls one Christmas he spent partly by himself was among his most enjoyable. He spent the whole day playing video games. For dinner that night, he had Chinese food with some Jewish friends.

For years he spent the holidays with his partner’s family, but says he never really fit in. He considers himself more of an introvert and never enjoyed the consumer aspects of gifts.

“I now put a reminder in my calendar to spend the holidays alone,” he said. “It is so much better to be home and happy, than with a bunch of relatives not really enjoying myself.”

Ultimately, it's all about making the choice that is best for you. Perhaps every cell in your body wants to escape the traditional feasting, the football, or the chaos of traditional family-oriented time: For you it might be the best option to go on a solo adventure or just relax and enjoy a few days off.

What Do You Want More of This Holiday?

Author Jeanne Ricks says there's peace to be had in simplicity. Although the holidays can make us feel a sense of lack and longing, dropping the comparisons can lead to tranquility. Doing less sometimes creates wholeness and gratitude for what we already have.

"We fill each day with too much activity, too much stuff, too much media, and too many responsibilities pulling on us in too many directions," Omega cofounder Elizabeth Lesser writes. "We go to bed at night and wonder where the heck the day went. We wake up and do it again. And now at the holidays we’re supposed to add more excess to the excess. More food, more socializing, more presents that require more money. I think it’s a revolutionary act to resist the more, more, more culture, and instead to simplify."

Her invitation is to resist excess and make room for what matters.

That might mean going on retreat. It might mean celebrating with friends instead of relatives. It might mean saying yes to the family gathering—but leaving yourself a quiet morning beforehand. Or it might mean staying home with nowhere to be.

There isn't one right way to celebrate.

So before the invitations, travel plans, and traditions take over, consider asking yourself:

What do I want more of this holiday season?

Rest? Connection? Play? Silence? Nature? Community? Spaciousness?

Then consider what you might need less of to make room for it.

Sometimes the most meaningful holiday tradition is the one you give yourself permission to create.